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Stories 1 to 10 of 11
4/13/2009 Even though I spend all day feeding my cats, cleaning their litter boxes and messes, they like everyone except me! What gives? Scott S. The problem could simply be that your cat doesn't respect you. If someone followed you around cleaning up your poop, would you find them odd? Show your feline who's the boss (not the show, but definitely pop in an old Tony Danza classic if you've got the time). Stop taking out the litter box for a few months. You might not have as many friends wanting to visit your smelly home, but that cat is sure to come around eventually. Read More
11/21/2008 How long does nicotine stay in your system? I quit smoking twenty five years ago and I still get nicotine stains in my underwear. Alan in Austin Alan, I'm instantly reminded of an episode of Seinfeld where a girl Jerry was dating claimed she contracted gonorrhea from riding a tractor in a bathing suit. Traces of nicotine remain in your system up to 2 weeks after smoking a cigarette. But for your particularly staining situation, there are two possible causes. And I'll go ahead and skip the first one, because it's "number two".  Read More
10/17/2008 My VCR won't stop blinking 12:00. What gives? Broken clock is right twice a day, but I want it to be right ALL DAY! Andy C. Andy, I think the question you should ask is not "What gives?" but rather "How can I benefit from this?" This VCR is giving you a golden opportunity to be late for just about anything, and have a semi-valid excuse. "Sorry I wasn't there in time to help deliver that baby...my VCR still said it was noon!" And so on. Now some may look down upon you for using a VCR as your primary clock. Which is a perfect transition into one of my Presidential campaign promises: if elected, everyone will get a free clock on their brand new HD-DVD players. Yep, HD-DVD players for all! Why are movies so cheap on HD-DVD right now?... Read More
5/31/2007 3. What's the price of tea in China? James P. Currently a box of tea (that's 25 tea bags), goes for about $2.04. And you thought I would give you some kind of smart mouth answer. Read More
5/31/2007 2. My Garden Gnome keeps giving me the evil eye. Any chance he can come to life and attack me? Shirly S. I found no documented Garden Gnome attacks on the internet. You should be safe On a seperate note...your nutty! Read More
5/31/2007 1. I heard that Captain America was dead. Is that true? Brad B. Yep Brad, it looks like the star spangled avenger has finally bitten the big one. but for a more comprehensive look at the events that lead to his death, i turn it over to my good friends at Wikipedia. In the 2006-2007 "Civil War" crossover, Captain America opposes mandatory federal registration of all super-powered beings and leads the Anti-Registration faction and resistance movement. He becomes a fugitive and opposes the heroes of the Pro-Registration group, including his former friend Iron Man. He adopts the alias "Brett Hendrick,” a mall security guard, to avoid government detection. As the War continues, Cap enlists the assistance of several figures whom he would not choose to ally himself with under normal circumstances, such as the Punisher and the Kingpin. During the climactic battle between pro- and anti-Registration superheroes, Captain America confronts and batters Iron Man (whose armor has been disabled by the Vision)—victory is in his grasp. However, when a group of civilians attempt to restrain him, Rogers realizes that he is endangering the very people he has sworn to protect. He removes his mask, surrenders to authorities as Steve Rogers, and orders the anti-Registration forces to stand down. As Rogers is led away ... Read More
4/4/2007 9. I like this one guy, that knows I like him, but I don't know if he likes me, what should I do? Victoria W. Well, I’m the last person to ask for relationship advice. So I sent this one to my secretary and she had this to say, “Tell the guy you like him. Honesty is the best policy.” Read More
4/4/2007 5. Do you know all the words to the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” theme song? Zack S. Do I know it! Of course! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/There the worlds most fearsome fighting team/there heroes in a half shell and there green/when the evil Shredder attacks these turtle boys don’t cut him no slack/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Splinter taught them to be ninja team/Leonardo leads/Donatello does machines/Raphael is cool but rude/Michelangelo is a party dude!/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Heroes in a half shell/Turtle power! Yes, I know that’s sad. Read More
4/4/2007 4. On Fleetwood Mac's song Tusk - who is the football team's band who plays this song at games? Liz D. That would be the USC Trojan Marching Band. I prefer “The Eyes of Texas” myself. Read More
2/28/2007 6. How does Spock's mind meld work? Teri B. My good buddies at Wikipedia say: ‘A procedure known as a mind-meld involves physical contact with a subject (though instances of mind-melds without contact have been seen), making it possible to share thoughts, experience, memories, and knowledge with another individual. Vulcans can perform mind melds with members of most other species, most notably humans.’ In non nerd speak: Spock gives your face an oh-so-sweet caress and then jumps into your brain to see what you've got going on in there. Read More

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